Regret

I don't know how

I can be on a journey with you

When I should have been stopped outside the airport

By misgivings.

But here I am

On the plane in a big wide seat

Next to you-

Bravely going with-

You and me together.

I did it for nothing worthwhile

Unnecessarily-

Apologising for

the long ago

That time years ago

When we were much too young.

Should never have brought it up

Not now anyhow

In this large sardine can with seat belts,

With carpets.

And you

How do you do it

Turn yourself upside down and inside out

like that?

I was just talking about long ago

Just to show good faith now that we're going together

Again, and flying off somewhere together

Like lovers will.

But I've touched a raw nerve

Surprise surprise

With

Almost a forgotten thing.

I think I have no chance at all

Of living with you now-

Not happily anyhow

Everything blighted by yesterday

And me just not the same

I can't be turning cartwheels like you

To me its ancient history

Life is too short to hold grudges like this

But you, you must be joking

But obviously you're not!

How can I endure being raked over the coals again for a betrayal then

What am I doing here looking forward

Unwilling to endure what turns into what neither of us want

So I must get off this plane!

I run, no lurch, to the door

After brushing past your convulsed body

How can you feel so much

It was just so long ago-

But this thing is moving

On its little wheels

Eerie

But

The ground is shifting, the lights outside slipping by

I find the doors are armed

On this very big aeroplane

There-

and now as I stumble back to my seat

Before the Steward or the Air Marshall comes for me

The lamps inside are dimmed for take off.

I don't think there's going to be any leaving right now

So I must-

Must sit by you and be singed by your sorrow

And watch our tomorrows burn.

There's

No place for today, its like I who hurt you then has died-

And I'm just a ghost sitting next to you.

And all this because

I've invoked the past

Like an ass.

Pity though that-

This is not a train

And there is no platform to slope off into

Before this thing picks up speed to hurtle through the air.

13th June, 2011

Gautam Mukherjee

Copyright Gautam Mukherjee- 2011. All Rights Reserved.